A world without mothers are no world really

One word for what my day was like.

Generic Cookies.

Aka. worst day of my life.

It all started out with being publically humiliated when I found out today was National Kitty Kat Day & I WASNT EVEN WEARING A CAT COSTUME! How the sister freak could I forget that? You tell me! So, yeah no kitty kat kostume for me.. and then I broke my right finger performing a intricate math problem on the whiteboard, I didn't make it to the bathroom in time and my mom packed generic Rainbow M&M Cookies in my lunch? Really?

Mom. It's all about the Keebler Chip Deluxe.
They know how to throw a REAL party in my mouth.

So, yeah, today was not a day to be Ashlynn McCarter. Really just D- Day overall.

My tummy hurt is does. Sick be may I. Understand me not? Are fool you!

Okay so I'm giving a perm to my dog tonight and lemme tell you, I.am.so.stoked. Cause I mean Rocky is already hott stuff {Refer to picture below} but I can't imagine him with a rockin feminine touch. I'll be sure to post pics soon!

Pimp Dog much?
Beh Suh Jelouahs.

-Pimp Doggies Motha

Ah, the sweet smell of a new start

At this point, I'm sure an apology is necessary. However, I will not apologize for being succesful.. Cause that's what I've been doing. I've made about 12 quilts, perfected me fillet mignone recipe AND I lost somewhere around 60 lbs. (<----Haha funniest joke I've ever cracked!) Nah, I am sorry. It wasn't tell Apollo High School kids bombarded me with requests for an update that I realized, yeah, I am a big deal. So this ones for you Apollo! What's new in my life? Not sure. Don't remember much these days. {I rely on my friends for da presh memory} I really wish I had some good news to share. So, for the sake of a good post, I'll make one up! I'M ENGAGED!
& I FOUND OUT OBAMA IS MY COUSIN!


I know, I know I know. It's sudden and all. But I know he is the right one. He treats me like a princess. No really, he does. He got me a corset and and gold broach for the evening gown he purchased for me a few days prior. {Still trying to decide if the corset was a fat joke or not..Input?} But yeah. It's so good it might even be considered sonic good.

Tomorrow should be a better post but I think I will leave you with a little special something my mommy found of my mine under the stairs (Yes, I am the REAL Harry Potter}. So from me to you, I present the mind and heart of the 9 year old Ashlynn.

"Dear Landon and Hayden, ||Da Crushes||

I just really like you guys. I think you're soooooooo kute. Here is a poem I wrote for you.

L-oving
A-ssom
N-eat
D-o good
O-k
N-ice

H-elpful all day
A-ssome too
Y-ou both are kute
D-o good
E-xisted a lot

Love Ashlynn

PS. Write back this time please."


Wishing more luck with your love life.
-The 9yr old Pimp.

Baked and delicious

Yup! I finally did it! I faked and baked! I realized that winter was around the corner, and having this pasty white skin just won't do! It's my job to be beautiful and how am supposed to do that with letche colored skin? {i can't}

check out the results!



I'm really impressed with the results. I think I might go back for one last cookin just so it'll look a little more real. I hear the more you do it, the more it looks natural.

So, this morning, I woke up feeling like P-diddy.
{just kidding}
No but really, I woke up this morning, did my daily morning stretch and scream, and then headed down stairs to see what the fridge had in store for me. When I got down there, and opened the fridge, I realized something.

I didn't want breakfast food.

What idiot came up with the rule that breakfast foods had to be eated for "breakfast." Certainly not me! Maybe Obama.. yea that'd make sense. But anywhoo, I decided that I was an independent women with her own strut and that I would in fact, have ... (drum roll)

Lays BAKED Chips and Minute Maid Lemonade

FOR BREAKFAST!

Some of you might be thinking to yourself, "What a fatty! That is so unhealthy!!"
Well, lettme tell you something smarty pants! Those chips were baked, which means, me eating 60 of this chips would be equivalent to me eating an apple and going for 30mile jog. No harm done
AS for the lemonade. It's made with real flippin lemons yall! Along with that, there is modified cornstarch all up in there! Not sure what that is, but it's got corn in the prefix so what could go wrong?

Just kidding. Todays fast sunday! Gotcha!

Well, I'm leaving on the trek tomorrow. A 100 mile hike in below 20 degree weather with only your body hair for warmth, and your own saliva and dandruff for meals. It should be fun!

I finally found my homecoming dress. It looks a little something like this.







Yeah, I'd like to see Josh resist me wearing this!






Have a marvelous morning & I'll be back just in time for Witty Wednesday next week! I'm sure I'll have PLENTY of stories.

Tootles for yours truly,
Ashquhnika

Announcment time

Dear World and those who live on it,

Hi, I'm Ashlynn McCarter, and this is my blog. I never really realized that people read my blog, which I found out could be extremely awkward and a bad way to make a first impression, but I feel the need to state something.

Yes I'm weird. Really weird. I'll be honest, I don't even know what I say half the time... so please don't take me too serious when I say this stuff.

I apologize for the astonishing weird images and thoughts I've stained in your head.

I can promise you that it was on purpose.

Cause it's just waaayyy too much fun!

Love,
Ashtashers.

Spring Water

Man on oh MAN was the weather just grand today! Back home (in Tennessee) the weather was like this almost EVERY DAY! I come here and it's like "Oh, well hello. Would you prefer 109 or 110 degrees in October?"

dumb.

I keep having awful dreams...
they're awful...

I'm pretty sure I am going to buzz my head tonight.
no biggys.

Dogs=dogs
cats=anteaters.

Today in AP, and kid in my class chose to enlighten me with a fun fact per say! He told me he witnesed a cow giving birth to a cat.
& that it was loud.

gross.
gross times 10.

or yummy. Haven't decided yet.

I'm talking to Chris Bruce as we speak.
he is darling.

love,
ashlynn

p.s. I decided
p.s.s. it's yummy.

Bananas

My mom is eating a banana. Man does it look good.

real. good.

Bonjour! Ca va?

That's right! I can speak French! Legitimate French people! Why don't you ask me how to say darn in french? Come on, just ask me

(insert your name): Ashlynn how do you say darn it in French?
Ashlynn: AH, how kind of you to ask! The phrase "darn it" in French is pronounced, ZUT!
(insert your name): Oh Ashlynn, you're so cool. I wish I could speak French like you.
Ashlynn: Oh stop it! It's easy and fun! Anyone can do it with the right mind set! You may not be able to speak as fluently as me, but, yeah no you can't. I hear Spanish has an opening though!
(insert your name:): I wish I was cool like you.

See just like that! Boda-bang-bada-BOOM! So don't ever be afraid to throw around some french with me,

cause flippin bi-lingual.

Moving on.

Who loves conference? (I do) Those men are just so darling! I just wanna grab their cheeks and tell em how I love em! What spiritual cuties..
(no creeper statue intended)

Wanna know what's the best part of conference? The yummy breakfast before the first session. Yes, I don't know about your Mommy's but mine cooks this delicious feast for the Sunday sessions! Take a look.
Now, obviously this doesn't do much justice for the meal, but just picture hash browns, bacon, chocolate milk and fruit to go along with those cottage-cheese pancakes. YES, YOU HEARD ME, COTTAGE CHEESE PANCAKES YALL! The recipe was created and perfected by God himself. Anything that heavenly, just has to!

They were so yummy in my tummy. I haven't eaten since! It was so filling.

{confession time: Those last two sentences were a lie. That was me trying to sound more skinny. Like you know the people who can eat one meal and be fine all day? Yeah, okay not me. But it sure was good)

Oh, and the Books of Mormon in the back were just for spiritual emphasis. Therefore, cottage pancakes are of god.

Man, I have a whole book to read by Tuesday, and I've only read the Prologue. Who's lookin for some extra cash?

This retainer is just a haven of saliva. It's absolutely revolting.

Trek is 2 weeks. yay.

Who's interested in some recreational food eating contests? I hear they're real fun! And with me on your team, there is no losing.

I really gotta stop with the fat jokes.
{they just make me look fatter}

Except my mom hates when I say stuff like that cause she says I'm pretty and skinny. But I know her heart is yearning to just call me Hagrid.

Sometimes she says I'm "thick boned" but we all know that's a lie.

I <3 Obama. The tone of his voice is so inspirational! He makes me to want destroy a country or something!

Love,
Ashbamers.

P.S. Looking for your dog to get off him bum and learn some tricks? I found just the solution! Everyday, replace his water with olive oil and within a week, your dog will be flippin like eggs on a stove! I've seen the results, why don't you give it a try!